[DISCLAIMER: THIS POST TALKS ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AND SUICIDE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS MAY TRIGGER YOU.]
Dear Reader,
Hello again! So in my last (and first) blogpost I gave you an inside look as to why I started Psyko Post...well, kinda. It was my intro post, ok? lol what do you want from me?! ;P
So I figured now would be a good time to tell you all more about me and why I created Psyko Post...
My childhood was traumatic, my twenties were traumatic, my thirties, well, that's another blog post for another blog time. However, one glorious soul-filling thing I did do in my twenties was (fourth times a charm) finally take college seriously. I took a shit ton of general classes; searching for a spark that will burst inside of me. I found art and graphic design, and I looooooved it! Not only did I love it, but (hype moment) I did awesome!! My projects were always in the top. I won 1st place in one of our yearly competitions for my color theory project, along with having two of my 3D design class projects chosen for the student art gallery at our college for the end of the year gallery show...and I think there was only about 30 pieces chosen total.
Ok, brag time aside, I found my love in art and graphic design, and I have implemented in other ways besides just Psyko Post.
Fast forward to a few years later to December of 2010, Havok Designs is born. I fused my art and design skills with a laser engraving machine and had, well, a lot of fun that developed into a full-blown business. Full disclosure, I miss it, and I did pretty well with it. I loved doing all of the woodworking I could get my sawdusted hands on. But after seven years, I left Havok Designs and my husband. Why? Because I had a nervous breakdown.
After speaking with a friend back on the west coast (I was in Charlotte, NC at the time), the decision was made for me to move back west to San Diego for a few months for therapy and rest. Well, seven years later, a lot of things have changed, but I'm still in San Diego and still have a love of art and design.
April 2023 came, and on the ninth day [DISCLAIMER] I tried to commit suicide. I am still not going to go into all of the gruesome details regarding that and the subsequent couple of weeks that followed (I'll save that for another blog post...maybe), but as stated in my last blog post, my life started on a path of trying to heal, or something close to healed at least.
From April 2023 - November 2023 I was hospitalized, then in an IOP (intensive outpatient program), but that didn't work, so then I ended up in a residential program for several weeks, then their subsequent PHP (partial outpatient program), dropped back down to their IOP, and then insurance decided to rain hellfire on me and now I am nowhere.
But!!! All this experience I have and have gained over the last year talking and connecting with all of my peers in each program motivated me to stand up and speak out about the stigma surrounding mental health. (It's idiotic that it isn't looked upon the same as medical health.)
And my inspiration came in the form of drawings from my actual program assignments we talked about in group and with our one-on-one therapy sessions. I stopped and looked at one and thought, "this one would make a cute postcard!" And boooom!
My mind started flooding. ("Today I am grateful for my creative brain...")
Each postcard design I started drawing held an important meaning to me and the conversations or tellings of my peer groups I had in all of my programs. And they just kept coming to me. I stopped at ten because I wanted to fine tune the ones I had created, and create individual backs for each one so that each back correspond with their fronts, adding more personality, and more to the conversation.
I'm sarcastic by nature, so a lot of my postcards have that permeating each drawing or text used. But, I also have been through the ringer/rollercoaster/pitfall/everything else you can think of and so have a lot of other people who were in program with me last year. While in program I connected with these people on a level that is difficult to achieve with most of my friends outside of the program. They each had their own backstories, traumas, insecurities, and diagnoses. But what they each had in common was their support for the rest of us.
It really is a community. We are a bigger community than most people would think, but a community even still. While in program, the support we (basically) instinctually gave each other sometimes fell on "too depressed/anxious" of ears, but even then it was comforting to know that there were others that related to these types of struggles. And that is beautiful. Seriously powerful stuff. It was like our little fucked up club we went to everyday to talk about our problems, and take turns having freak out moments when being triggered, in between doing art projects.
I miss it.
I'm at the point where I need to go back to a program, whether it be PHP or IOP, I know I need that communal support, therapy, and daily commitment. So yes, that's on the to-do list.
I'm sure a lot of you reading this can relate to most if not all of what I've said, so immediately (as cheesy as this is going to sound, and I'm not normally a cheesy person) my heart is with you. I don't know you. I don't know what you've been through, the choices you've made, or the choices that have been made for you. But if you can relate to what I've said, then we are connected and my heart is with you.
Feel free to leave a comment or send an email. DM on Instagram...I'm hear to listen. [Pun intended. (yes I am that dork.)]
:)
-kristen [Head Psyko}